I mostly try to avoid feeling the fear or terror that can rise up inside me relating to life’s events. Fear, for me, can be triggered by relationships, the pandemic, my work life, money issues, even sometimes riding my horses, when I used to fly, or any other numerous triggers that I usually try to avoid. Also, I have a history of childhood trauma, so avoiding fear seems even more critical to avoid triggering PTSD-like symptoms.
Now, I have been fairly successful in life. I was a college athlete in two sports: basketball and rodeo, while studying pre-vet and pre-med. I switched careers and became a journalist, covered Congress, then went to law school. Now, 25 years later, I own a law firm and created jobs for 4-6 others on an ongoing basis. I have been a blacksmith and farrier, studied the mystical paths of all the worlds’ religions, and am married to a very good man with whom I love meeting life’s challenges.
Yet, I can still feel fear or terror boil up inside me even though I have many strategies to try to avoid this feeling that I really dislike. I would even admit to fear or terror of feeling fear or terror. Today, I am deciding to not avoid or run from this feeling, as I am writing this blog.
I know deep inside myself that perfect love casts all our fear. I know that when I am connected deep within to source light, God, that I am safe and secure no matter what is happening in the outer world. I know this because I have been so close to death that I was leaving my body and experienced what was once my greatest fear – dying. I realized that I was not dying. I felt very secure, probably the most secure I have ever felt, as I hung in suspension over my body, before deciding to stay so that I could fulfill my reason for being.
Today, I see that fear acts as a lightning bolt through a rock. Fear cracks the foundation of my wholeness. Feeling fear is an assault on my ability to stay integrated and deeply connected to the greater light.
So… What is the lesson of this inner pandemic?
Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “all we have to fear is fear itself.” I, you, we all can go deep within to connect with our hearts and find the foundation of our true source. I can live without succumbing to the lightning strike of fear that cracks the rock of my true identity. If I can, you can, we can, and together we can bring forth the culture, community, and transformation that many of us were born to usher into this world.
Together, let’s start a revolution for wholeness that starts at home inside us, and from that foundation let’s transform the outer world to be the place we dream of.